Something Requisitely Witty and Urbane

Another Dirty Old Town

It's like Christmas just checking the mail these days...

Microsoft Word Firefox Plugin

Does anyone know if there is a Firefox plugin which would allow you to open up a Microsoft Word document in a tab in the browser? Such a thing would be very, very handy for me.

The Power of Suck vs. The Power of the Lowest Common Denominator.

Veronica and I had this conversation today. You tell us who you think is right. (I'm AlvTstg and she's Aldahlia)

AlvTstg: "A growing number of television executives have begun to regard “American Idol” as a programming force unlike any seen before. Jeff Zucker, the new chief executive of NBC Universal, said, 'I think ‘Idol’ is the most impactful show in the history of television.'"

aldahlia: well damn

aldahlia: and here i thought it was Roots

AlvTstg: No kidding...

AlvTstg: It's weird to think of American Fucking Idol in those terms, though...

AlvTstg: But, it kinda is...

AlvTstg: It's pretty much the biggest thing ever, as far as television's concerned...

aldahlia: well... i dunno.  depends on how one measures "bigness"

aldahlia: technically

aldahlia: the superbowl is the biggest thing ever

AlvTstg: Biggest Event...

aldahlia: it's always the highest rated single program of the year

AlvTstg: But the Idol Finale rivals the Superbowl in ratings...

aldahlia: for decades

AlvTstg: the Finale's not that far off...

aldahlia: 12 weeks?

AlvTstg: No... I'm way off...

AlvTstg: sorry...

AlvTstg: It's like a little more than a third of the Superbowl's ratings...

aldahlia: yeah

aldahlia: so... no

aldahlia: AI is a hit show

AlvTstg: But, American Idol's ratings are in the 30-40 million pretty much everytime it airs...

AlvTstg: And it's getting bigger....

aldahlia: and the first to really incorporate cell phones

aldahlia: really, though... whoop de do

AlvTstg: And, every year they synergistically give themselves more credibility...

aldahlia: well, i suppose

AlvTstg: Kelly Clarkson's won two grammy's... Every album that comes out hits number one by a former Idol...

aldahlia: but, what are they gonna do

aldahlia: keep upping the age?

AlvTstg: and a third place finisher is going to win an Oscar...

AlvTstg: They don't have to....

aldahlia: the last big ratings boost happened because they moved it to 29

AlvTstg: Now every 16 year old kid is going to be ready to go...

AlvTstg: They've been watching Idol since they were 10 now...

aldahlia: teenagers are fucking fickle creatures

aldahlia: it's not gonna work indefinitely

AlvTstg: I don't know... I just seems to me that the sky's the limit for the show...

AlvTstg: And the only thing that I need to prove it is this:

AlvTstg: I NEVER watched a single episode until 3 years ago...

AlvTstg: and now I'M hooked...

AlvTstg: and I'm a pretty notoriously finicky television watcher...

aldahlia: dude

aldahlia: it's an age thing

aldahlia: i'm telling you.  nothing stays cool forever

AlvTstg: I don't think it's cool now!

AlvTstg: But my thing is...

AlvTstg: why WOULDN'T I watch something that so many other Americans are having the same shared experience with...

AlvTstg: Even if it's so I can tell people how bad the singers are...

aldahlia: lol

AlvTstg: It's like the old, "The average Howard Stern fan listens for an hour a day and the average Howard Stern hater listens for 2 hours a day"

aldahlia: some people watch sports

aldahlia: eh.  hype is hype.

AlvTstg: totally...

AlvTstg: and AI is ALL hype...

AlvTstg: but it's pretty good fucking hype...

aldahlia: i guess

aldahlia: i'm tired of it

aldahlia: two years

aldahlia: and i don't give a fuck

AlvTstg: I am too... but I'm still watching it...

aldahlia: the albums always suck

AlvTstg: They are awful...

aldahlia: i might get into it later

AlvTstg: although, I really liked Kelly Clarkson's last one...

aldahlia: but... i'm not sitting through 5 hours

aldahlia: in a single week

AlvTstg: She's the only one that's managed to break out of the mold for me...

AlvTstg: Yeah, I can understand that

aldahlia: and really, anything that unleashes Clay Aiken on the world

AlvTstg: Man, if I'm Fox I'd double the finalists field and then put it on 5 nights a week... It'd still draw...

aldahlia: is evil

AlvTstg: Yes! But that's my point!

AlvTstg: It's the kind of evil that's SO MUCH FUN TO WATCH!

aldahlia: um

aldahlia: no

AlvTstg: Come on... You don't think the world is a much funnier place because Clay Aiken exists?

aldahlia: i dunno

AlvTstg: Or like... Carlos Mencia...

aldahlia: ew

AlvTstg: He's a total hack and he's not funny...

aldahlia: are you trying to sell me on The Power of Suck

aldahlia: ?

AlvTstg: But I'm so fucking glad he's around because he's someone that everyone collectively hates...

AlvTstg: I think I am...

AlvTstg: I think I may have stumbled upon a theory here...

aldahlia: lol

aldahlia: that's like AFI

aldahlia: that emo band

AlvTstg: The world is a better place when suck exists...

AlvTstg: ha... yeah...

AlvTstg: or Dashboard Confessional....

AlvTstg: I am so writing a post about this...

aldahlia: no... AFI is the greatest

aldahlia: they suck SO HARD. and, they're UGLY.  and

aldahlia: just...

aldahlia: oh it's bad

aldahlia: it's so bad it's good

AlvTstg: See...

AlvTstg: There's something to this...

AlvTstg: Ok...

AlvTstg: Give me 20 minutes.. .I'm going to write about this...

aldahlia: i dunnno

aldahlia: i'm not buying it concerning AI

aldahlia: AI isn't really good

aldahlia: and it's not really bad

aldahlia: AI is totally middle ground

aldahlia: bland

AlvTstg: Absolutely...

AlvTstg: I totally agree...

aldahlia: that's not the Power of Suck

AlvTstg: Sure it is...

aldahlia: that's the power of the lowest common denominator

AlvTstg: because you really won't find that many people that you know personally who says, "I can't wait for the new Fantasia album"

aldahlia: it's like the difference between john mellancamp and david hasselhoff

AlvTstg: they all roll their eyes...

AlvTstg: Yes, but John Mellancamp had, at one point, real potential to be decent...

AlvTstg: Where as David Hasselhoff always kicked ass...

aldahlia: WHAT?!

aldahlia: boy you took that one and ran in the opposite direction

aldahlia: inverse that

AlvTstg: I was being sarcastic on both counts...

aldahlia: mellancamp is inoffensive

aldahlia: it's not bad

aldahlia: it's not good

aldahlia: and you can listen to it with your parents

AlvTstg: Yeah, I agree with you...

aldahlia: THAT'S american idol

AlvTstg: See, I disagree...

aldahlia: Hasselhoff is the Wretched that Shines with it's own special Awful Light

AlvTstg: Ok...

AlvTstg: So..

AlvTstg: Here's this...

AlvTstg: The majority of American Idol is kept abreast by the power of suck...

aldahlia: huh?

AlvTstg: There is so much crap on there that people want to see just what will fantastically suck next...

AlvTstg: but...

aldahlia: well, i guess

AlvTstg: to add your point in...

aldahlia: the audition portions

AlvTstg: The reason why it becomes middle groundish is...

AlvTstg: That the winner is the person who sucks the least...

aldahlia: again

aldahlia: not the power of suck

aldahlia: the power of the lowest common denominator

AlvTstg: The whole show IS the power of suck...

AlvTstg: but it peters out into the power of the lowest common denominator...

AlvTstg: As such...

AlvTstg: it keeps two distinct audiences watching...

AlvTstg: Those that like to see how much suckiness exists and feel intellectually superior...

AlvTstg: (read: me)

AlvTstg: and the aforementioned lowest common denominator..

AlvTstg: That's what makes it the juggernaut that it is...

AlvTstg: It's got two audiences that are so diametrically oppossed that they never, ever watch the same thing...

AlvTstg: Come on... You've gotta admit that we're onto something here...

aldahlia: i dunno.  i don't buy that.

aldahlia: mediocrity is mediocrity

AlvTstg: But the sheer size of the show makes this more than mediocrity...

aldahlia: no

AlvTstg: yes

aldahlia: it makes it incredibly successful at mediocrity

aldahlia: like Celine Dion

AlvTstg: It makes it a kind of Uber-mediocrity...

aldahlia: THAT

aldahlia: i would buy

aldahlia: it's the Ultimate in Mediocrity.  It's the Mac and Chees of television.

AlvTstg: No, I don't think so...

aldahlia: it's popular

aldahlia: it's easy

aldahlia: feel good

AlvTstg: But don't you think this has transcended the Mac and Cheese lable?

aldahlia: and it works like comfort tv

AlvTstg: Dude...

aldahlia: no

aldahlia: i don't in the slightest

Today is a good day...

... because I got to do this for the first time this year.

I really like having a Jeep on days like today...

In other, more personal, music news...

I've decided that this year is the year of the concert for me. I'm going to see one concert per month.

I didn't decide to do this until February, so I'll have to double up twice at some point, but I've got my first two shows lined up.

In two weeks, I'll be seeing The Shins. The new album is pretty good, by the way.

Then, on April 6th, I'll be seeing my favorite: Ted Leo and the Pharmacists.

I'll do writeups on all the shows.

Arcade Fire Bootlegs...

It's possible that, right now, The Arcade Fire is simply the biggest thing going.

They did a four-night stint at the Judson Memorial Church in New York City, and there are some really high quality bootlegs of two of the concerts that are COMPLETELY worth your while.

The Feb. 16 show can be found here. The Feb. 17 show, which is an NPR broadcast, is here.

The coolest part of it, for me: They end the Feb. 16 show by singing "Wake Up" (my favorite AF song) in the crowd. They literally circled the church, came in the front doors and sang a stripped down version WITH the audience. I defy you not to get goosebumps.

So, what do they do the next night? They start it the same way. Video here.

Still One of My Greatest Fears

... and I can't tell you why, exactly.

But ANOTHER person has died in their home and the atmospheric conditions caused his body to be mummified. No one found him, nor knew he was dead for a year:

Officials could not explain why the electricity had not been turned off, considering Ricardo had not been heard from since December 2005.

Neighbors said when they had not seen Ricardo, who was diabetic and had been blind for years, they assumed he was in the hospital or a long-term care facility.

He was sitting in front of his television set in which the volume was turned up.

I have a roommate now. We've been sharing an apartment for 8 or 9 months now. It's the first time I've lived with someone in over 7 years. There are things I like about it and things I don't, but one of the things I DO like is knowing that, chances are, at least someone would FIND MY FREAKING BODY!!!!!

Building the Big Club from the Farm System

I was talking to Amanda yesterday (fresh from her first big controversy as a presidential campaign staffer - It's weird having people I "know" working for, you know, major presidential candidates)... For the first time in quite a long time (Really, since the first Clinton win), there's some real meat to the candidates who are running for the Dems.

Clinton sort of came out of nowhere in 1992, but that ascendancy was certainly aided by the lack of any real heavyweight running against him. When Paul Tsongas and Tom Harkin are the biggest names you are running against, it levels the incline of the slope you have to go up immensely.

Then came 2000. Gore ran against Bradley, but was largely uncontested other than that. While not really being challenged (Bradley made it interesting, but wasn't all that difficult to beat) may not have been the best thing for Gore as he headed into the general, he had been the presumptive nominee since early 1999. He was a candidate that hardly generated excitement.

It's also easy to forget that Gore was not viewed as the heavyweight that he is now. He was a green (a word which could be, and was, used to discredit Gore to both the middle-of-the-road soccer mom's AND the "we don't want no tree-huggers in the white house)" conservatives). The 2000 election actually served to bolster the tried and true Democratic base's opinion of him and his subsequent undying devotion to his number one cause has only enhanced his image.

And he might win an Oscar, for Chrissake.

Then came the disastrous 2004. Kerry, Lieberman, Gephardt.... These guys hardly inspired. It took the fire-branding (and subsequent firebombing) of the Howard Dean campaign to inject some excitement into the campaign.

But out of that, one star really rose. John Edwards. There was just something about this calm, young, energetic and passionate guy who you really couldn't just ignore (much like Bill Clinton had done 12 years earlier).

Of course, Obama made his splash during that same year in the 2004 Democratic National Convention and has been a superstar ever since.

And Hilary, biding her time in the Senate, has been the looming dragon that any candidate would have to slay to get to the general. Just like the Dallas Mavericks had to go up against the Spurs to get to the finals (The futility of the series against Miami doesn't really serve this analogy, but work with me here), so too would any presidential aspirant have to go through her.

There's a real case to be made that 2000 and 2004 were retooling years for the Democratic Party.

Let me go with another sports analogy. In 2004, the Texas Rangers, perpetually in the doldrums of the AL West, were beginning to see their young players make some hay in the big leagues. Michael Young, Hank Blalock (fresh off his All-Star game walk-off homer heroics) and Mark Texiera were beginning to give the faithful fan a reason to be excited. For the first time in almost a decade, the Rangers went into the final week of the season still competing with the A's and Angels for a playoff spot.

They didn't make it (and a lengthy discussion of the season-ending series with the A's in which the Rangers fought to stay alive with a couple of extra inning comeback wins should be merited but isn't all that germane to this discussion), but the season ended with a feeling that things were coming around.

By the time next season came around, Mark Texiera was a bona fide superstar, Michael Young was one of the most respected players in the game (even if he wasn't all that well-known outside of the superfan's arena) and Hank Blalock had more promise than just about any third-baseman this club had seen since Dean Palmer.

To further drive this analogy into the ground, Hilary Clinton is Mark Texiera, the big-league slugger with an unbelievable upside and and who will be a major player in the league for years to come. Barack Obama is Hank Blalock, the promising young player who hasn't proved a whole lot yet bet that almost everyone believes he will. John Edwards is Michael Young. He's the guy that the party faithful knows has been fighting the good fight since 2004, singlemindedly approaching the game with focus and intensity.

2006 saw the Democrats doing what the Rangers couldn't in 2004. Taking back the Senate and the House was the end of a major slump for this team. And they did it on the backs of some young players in the Party who were finally coming around and making themselvesknown.

And, as the 2008 campaign begins, the Democratic Party is poised to compete with the big boys. There are real, honest-to-god heavyweights in running. Clinton, Edwards, Obama. Those are names that everyone knows now. Whereas, in the past, you'd have to explain that Dick Gephardt is a Senator or that there's more to Joe Lieberman than that he's a Jew, now you've got three candidates who everyone knows.

And that doesn't even take into account that Gore might still run.

In 2000, people knew the name George Bush. They might not have known much about him, but they knew his name. Then he added Dick Cheney to the mix. For Republican Party faithful, this was a wet dream. The down-home, Reaganite (at the time, he was a Reaganite... anyone remember that?) newcomer with the stoic (he wasn't grumpy, then) hawkish Cheney.

Take any of the three (or four) candidates running for the Democrats now, and combine them on a ticket. Is there any chance you aren't getting excited?

Yeah, me neither. That sound you hear is the wave, making its way around the stadium that is the Democratic Party.

... Godliness

So, a mere 8 months after moving into this apartment I finally got my room cleaned and unpacked.

It was quite a process because, as the unpacked mess slowly began to fade away behind the layers of newly lived in mess, the problem became how would I even start.

Turns out, the way to start was this: Take all of the clothes adorning the floor and dump them into one big pile in the living room, and start doing loads of laundry while cleaning the rest of the bedroom up.

17 loads of laundry and two days later...

I have a clean room... That picture is the view from my bed, and the fact that the floor is visible really is quite something.

Easy as 1, 2, 3

Since I was tagged twice, I cannot resonably ignore this meme.

A - Available or Single? - Both, Simultaneously.

B - Best Friend? - The only person who has been with me through all my many incarnations, Chance.

C - Cake or Pie? - I'm really unclear why I can't simply have both. Simultaneously. But if I had to choose, I'd choose pie.

D - Drink of Choice - Ok, this particular one has a bit of importance to me. As a waiter, it drives me Cuh-RAZY when someone comes in and then hems and haws over what to order to drink. Have you never gone out to eat before? If you want to try something different, that's fine, but everyone's got their tried and true standby drink, right? Order that and then change it up later! That being said: Grey Goose... Rocks... Lime. That's when I feel like spending money. Otherwise it's Bud Light.

E - Essential Item - DVR. No question. Laptop is a close second and iPod is third, but the DVR gives me an endless amount of lethargic delight.

F - Favorite Color - Eh... I guess it's green. When I was a kid it was red, but now it's not really an issue I deal with. I do find that I buy a lot of blacks and grays when it comes to clothes, which is really the only time that color affects my daily life.

G - Gummy Bears or Worms - Um, why are you even asking this? It's not even a choice. Worms. Incidentally, this seems as good a time as any for me to express my undying devotion to all candies gummy.

H - Hometown - I was born in Ada, Oklahoma, but I've lived in the DFW area since I was very young.

I - Indulgence - This seems like the kind of question that was intended for someone who doesn't regularly allow themselves virtually every indulgence they desire on a regular basis, so, I abstain (Ironic, isn't it?)

J - January or February - Fuck February and it's 28 days making it that much tougher to pay rent.

K - Kids and Names - The only kid living in this house is named Dylan.

L - Life is incomplete without - Movies. Books. Music. Pop Culture.

M - Marriage Date - At this point I'd settle for a "buy me a drink and slap me on my ass as you tell me there's no chance in hell that I'm coming in for a nightcap" date.

N - Number of Siblings - Two sisters, Aubrie, who's 26 and Jennifer, who's 30(?).

O - Oranges or Apples - Oranges. Best. Fruit. Ever.

P - Phobias/Fears - This is a strange question to ask me as I feel an abnormal amount of anxiety over things I didn't used to in my current state of blechiness, but the only thing I could regularly point to before BB (Before Blech) would be dying in my apartment alone and not being found for days.

Q - Favorite Quote - "I don't always know what the right thing to do is, Lord, but I think the fact that I want to please you pleases you." - by some monk. It's simple, but there's really nothing that sums up my religious beliefs today better than this statement.

R - Reasons to Smile - Defer to Blech in this regard. Oh, wait! Sarah Silverman made me smile the other day when she said, "Nazi's are assholes... They are cute when they're small, though."

S - Season - I'm a Fall/Winter person.

T - Tag 3 People - Consider yourself tagged, if you want to. (But only three of you!)

U - Unknown Fact About Me - Hmm... let me think. I talk. A lot. There's very little about me that people don't know. Oh! I sometimes steal string cheese.

V - Vegetable You Hate - Cauliflower.

W - Worst Habit - Oh man... Well, I've bit my nails since I was young, but that's nowhere NEAR the worst habit I have.

X - Xrays You've Had - As far as I know, just my teeth. I've been relatively unscathed, injury-wise.

Y - Your Favorite Food - Sheesh... I just love food so much... I think maybe I'd say sushi, but that might just be a phase I'm going through.

Z - Zodiac - Aries.