Today's Links

The Sports Guy cleans out his mailbag today, and here were some of my favorite items (via Bob Sturm)

Q: I caught "Karate Kid" on Saturday night after a day at Wrigley and a pig roast. That's important because my alcohol intake gave me a level of clarity that I never had while watching "Karate Kid." So here's my question: Why did Daniel-san and crazy mom move to California? Are you telling me that it was so Daniel's mom could get into a restaurant's managerial training program in a crappy area of California? There were no similar jobs in Jersey? She made her kid uproot his life for a restaurant managerial training position? Has anyone looked into this?
--Ryan Jacobs, Chicago

SG: That's just a fantastic "1980s Movies" question, right up there with "Why were Buddy's parents gone for the entire movie (from 'Just One of the Guys')?" After much deliberation, here's my answer ...

I think Mrs. LaRusso realized early on that her son had a singular destiny -- to be picked on by more people than anyone in the history of mankind. He needed to move somewhere where he was an outsider, where an entire dojo would want to destroy him, where billionaires would devote their lives to destroying a teenage karate champion. This stuff couldn't have happened in Jersey. Instinctively, she knew this. And that's why they moved.

Q: I've come up with a legitimate rule to determine whether or not a given activity is a sport. If a girl who's say, at least a B cup DOESN'T need a sports bra in order to participate, it's NOT a sport. This definitely rules out activities such as bowling, billiards and golf. (The only exception here is for sports that take place in water, as the swimsuit acts as a sports bra.) Note that this can only be applied to eliminate activities as sports -- there are definitely activites out there that require a sports bra but aren't sports -- like say, jump rope. Otherwise, I think it works well. What are your thoughts?
--Elizabeth M., Munter, Ga.

SG: I like any sports definition that relies on sports bras and cup sizes to succeed. You need a few more guidelines though:
1. If you can smoke and/or drink while you're competing, it's not a real sport.
2. If you don't need to shower after you're finished competing, it's not a real sport.
3. If judges are deciding the winners and losers, it's not a real sport.
4. If competing at a world-class level means you have to give up your childhood, as well as eating three times a day, having a menstrual cycle, having body hair and breasts, and being taller than 5-foot-3, it's probably not a sport.
5. If you're wearing a shirt that has your name written on the front pocket in script writing, it's not a real sport.
6. If one of the announcers for the sport spawns questions from viewers like, "Hey, is that Ant from 'Last Comic Standing'?" and "Wait a second ... is he crying?", then it's probably not a real sport.

So I'm with you, Elizabeth. Some things should be called "sports," other things should be called "competitions." Both sides can operate under the same sports umbrella ... we just need to remember the difference between the two.

Ironically funny and disturbing proof that the Bush administration doesn't just redact for national security.